Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Let the discontent be phased out: it’s just a beginning

From the mountain the valley looks beautiful...when you stand in the valley and see up to the mountains they look beautiful from a farther distance...then you taken the route and start climbing it and they reveal their actual tough nature and brings out the best in you...Yes, the best of your stamina, your fighting attitude, your rigour and passion and urge to reach the top and see what beauty you left behind in the valley.

Well, what amazes me is that the point where you start climbing from looks so beautiful after sweating off your life climbing that mountain; isn’t everything feels and looks beautiful from farther distance?

But bet you, I enjoy climbing mountains more than running between CST and Churchgate to look for stories. It’s better to see a valley filled with natural beauty rather than entering an empty room in state exactly the same that I leave it every morning.

So, here I am... I am feeling what I never thought that I would be feeling...a quarter life crises .To be honest it took me a 10 day leave, an exam and a trip to Mahabaleshwar to cool down my temper, to vent out my frustration and to believe that world has not come to an end. Now, as my nerves are under control I feel as if I am foolish to waste my time in being frustrated and there are so many things left to do in life...it’s just a beginning and mind you ‘life’...ahh that is a big word.

But what happens when you continuously feel discontent towards what you are doing. The discontent that lives within you and makes its presence felt through tears, fights and zingers that fly out of your mouth. This discontent makes you believe that you are not innocent any more, you have no room to make mistakes and the discontent that tells you what you are doing is not enough...

“How much you think Girl, leave it, just chill don’t be impatient” they say...

“Things will change, don’t worry it’s just a phase that is going to pass,” I advice to myself and my friend who is feeling the same!

So is it like nothing that is revolutionary, interesting and worth achieving will phase out and some extraordinary opportunity will come my way and change my life?

Ahh my ultimate realisation says...Dreams are better seen when your eyes are closed. The couple of things that i have learned from last 10 months is that nothing comes your way and nothing can be achieved by you...what you have to do is sustain, fight and prove. My realisation tells me it’s a constant fight...it’s an ever rising mountain, if I conquer it I will able to see the most beautiful valley in my life.

So to all those in quarter life crisis...let the discontent be phased out...you are capable of getting what you want...one decision is what matters.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

On the occasion of Mother’s Day...I can see you in Me!

Today, 8th of May is known as World Mother’s Day! Well, for me every moment of my life is a mother’s day. When I look into the mirror, I always wonder did she look the same when she was my age.

Today if my mother would have been there she would have been nearing her 50s and she would have never shared he age and weight with anyone! I remember how she used to tell me not to mention to my friends that she has joined gym or dieting to reduce weight. I remember our frequent and secret trips to the Balaji Pani-Puri and Bhel centre nearby our house during her dieting days.

Haha...i remember her scolding me while i was digging into the sev-puri one day and spilled it all over on my dress, “now what would your father think looking at your dirty dress? He doesn’t know we are here.” And i had answered with epitome of innocence that “ohh don’t worry Aai, I will tell Baba that you didn’t eat!”

I remember my trips to the market on her Black kinetic Honda which used to make horrible sounds and it still does as my father uses it. Even if i still hear a kinetic Honda I feel like running up to the door and asking her “Aai, what have you bought for me today?”

There was always something, a kayani cake, Pattice from Hindustan bakery or crème rolls.

Huh...right now I feel like I will explode writing this blog as there is so much congestion of feelings, memories and thoughts within me. Even after 10 years...even after growing up into a 21 year old girl, even after finding a career path I miss being 13, I miss my school days, i miss my home and her which has never been the same again after she died.

Her memories within me have no grief in it, no regret; I can only remember her as a woman of substance, an achiever to whom everybody back in Pune remembers as a good woman. But what I loved the most in her is her polite, sweet and sometimes a childlike behaviour (not to mention her endless attempts to lose weight!)

She is the one despite not being around me has made me believe that i can love, I can feel and i can fight...I will try to fulfil your every wish my beloved mother ...ahh but forget about getting married at the age of 20...as i have already crossed that age (and I do not wish to destroy someone’s lifeJ)

So...Happy Mother’s Day...I can see you in me every day and it will remain the same till the very end.